What to Expect When Attending a Jewish Funeral

Attending a funeral is often an emotionally charged and intimidating experience. The challenge can be even greater when you’re unsure about the customs and etiquette expected at the service, especially if the deceased comes from a cultural or religious background different from your own. Jewish funerals, in particular, have unique customs that may be unfamiliar to those not part of the faith. Here, we explore what to expect at a Jewish funeral to help you prepare and pay your respects appropriately.

Jewish Funeral Attire

Jewish funeral attire is generally modest and conservative. Men are typically expected to wear suits, dress shirts, and a head covering called a kippah or yarmulke. Women should opt for formal attire, such as a dress or a long-sleeved shirt with a long skirt. Casual clothing like jeans or flip-flops is usually discouraged. Muted colors such as gray, black, or brown are preferred, and attendees should avoid flashy or vibrant colors to maintain the somber nature of the event.

You may also notice immediate family members wearing a “kriah” or black ribbon, which symbolizes their grief. This is part of a private ceremony before the funeral and is not something guests are expected to participate in.

Why Is the Viewing of the Body Not Permitted?

At a Jewish funeral, the body is not publicly displayed, and the casket remains closed. This custom stems from the belief that the soul departs fully from the body after three days, and the ceremony typically occurs within 24 hours of death. Funerals are held in various locations, including synagogues, funeral homes, or graveside, but never on the Sabbath (from Friday sunset to Saturday sunset) or during holidays, as mourning is paused at these times.

The Tradition of Simple Caskets

Jewish funerals traditionally use simple, biodegradable caskets, referred to as “Aaron.” These caskets are made entirely of wood, with no embellishments, symbolizing the equality of all people in death and the temporal nature of life. The simplicity of the design is intended to reflect humility and respect for the deceased.

Punctuality at Jewish Funerals

Punctuality is highly valued at Jewish funerals. The ceremony typically starts precisely on time. Arriving 30 minutes to a few minutes early is recommended to show respect for the service and the grieving family.

What Is the Significance of Washing Hands?

After the ceremony, it is customary to wash your hands before entering the Shiva home or upon leaving the cemetery. This cleansing ritual serves as a form of purification after being in the presence of death. The Shiva, a seven-day period of mourning, often follows the funeral, during which family members receive visitors and continue to honor the deceased.

Additional Jewish Funeral Traditions

Here are a few more customs to be mindful of:

• The deceased’s body is washed thoroughly and is never displayed.
• The ceremony is held within the first 24 hours of death.
• Immediate family members tear their garments or a black ribbon as a symbol of grief.
• Sympathy baskets are a common way to express condolences.

Jewish funerals prioritize simplicity and modesty, emphasizing respect for all attendees. The focus is on honoring the deceased without extravagance, reflecting a deep sense of humility and community.

Final Thoughts on Jewish Funerals

A Jewish funeral is a time for expressing grief, sympathy, and condolences. Services often include prayers, hymns, religious readings, and sometimes songs to honor the deceased. Our guide aims to help you understand these traditions so you can offer your respects appropriately. Despite differences in customs, the shared human experience of loss unites us all. Bringing a compassionate heart to a funeral is the most important gesture of support.

For further guidance, check out our How to Find an Obituary for a Specific Person article, which provides additional resources for honoring and remembering loved ones.

FAQ

What should I wear to a Jewish funeral?

Dress conservatively, with men wearing suits and women in dresses or long skirts. Muted colors are preferred.

Is the body viewed during a Jewish funeral?

No, the casket remains closed, and there is no public viewing of the body.

What is the significance of the simple casket?

The simple wooden casket, called “Aaron,” symbolizes humility and equality in death.

Why is punctuality important at a Jewish funeral?

Jewish funerals start exactly on time as a sign of respect. Arriving early is recommended.

What is the purpose of washing hands after the funeral?

Washing hands is a cleansing ritual for purification after being close to the deceased.